Winning at Losing

“If anything, you know, I think losing makes me even more motivated.”   Serena Williams

Have you ever experienced defeat? A major loss? Perhaps, it was a sports competition. Maybe, a job you sought and did not obtain. A contest you entered and never even came close to winning.  A relationship you desired that never materialized. A health issue for which you were not prepared..

You purchased your ticket. You bought your chance. You entered the ring. And, then you lost. Sound familiar? Every adult has encountered some level of defeat and disappointment.. Perhaps, you have recently experienced a huge loss. Perhaps, at this very moment, you are facing a giant defeat.  I have been confounded many times. In fact, I have been here so often that it would take more than a few type-written pages to create my list of losses. I could create a new category called winning at losing.

Despite losses endured by all of us in the past,  we still want to win in life. Who can teach us how to triumph? Winners? Yes. I believe so.

What can winners teach us about winning? A lot. Raj Persaud, M.D., in his article titled, “Inside the Mind of the Olympic Gold Medal Winner,” summarized a study of 12 Olympic Gold Medal winners. If anyone could shed light on triumphs, it should be those who have won at the highest level. Do you agree?

Olympic Gold Medal champions steadily climb  to the premier level of their sport by winning along the way. It would be expected that small successes in their journey paved the way for the biggest win of their lives. An Olympic Gold champ probably lived a life dominated by many victories. But, this is not what this important study uncovered.

Surprisingly, the lives of Olympic champions were not dominated by triumphs. These Gold Medal holders pointed out their losses as more important than their wins.  Dr. Persaud writes:

“Paradoxically, not being selected for major international competitions was frequently cited by Gold Medalists as the foundation for increased endeavor and exertion. Competition losses were viewed as learning opportunities, enabling future improved performances. Set-backs were re-interpreted in ways which meant they merely re-doubled their efforts, and didn’t become disheartened. Failure didn’t break them; it made them.”

One of the things I learned from my mom is a phrase that has been repeated, over and over again, in my mind throughout my life. “When you get knocked down, pick yourself back up and get back into the game.”  I cannot tell you that I ever remember my mom saying those exact words. But, she lived them. All of her losses were followed by great determination and effort until she found victory.

Mom got her GED at age 47, a huge win for her, because she could not attain a basic minimum wage job for the lunch counter at our high school. After that loss, her GED victory was followed by nursing school and a 25-year career of serving others as a nurse. It’s never too late and defeat does not have to be permanent.

My loss today can be a step in the direction of my success.

“Failure didn’t break them; it made them.”

 My loss today and in the past means . . .

. . . I will not be disheartened

. . . a learning opportunity

. . . future improved performance

. . . re-doubling of my effort

. . . a future win