The Toughest Thing About Communication

I am in the audience for the Wednesday Noon gathering of Toastmasters in downtown Mobile. Our speaker, the past president of the Club, leans over and cups her hands around her ears, just like someone does when intently trying to listen in a noisy environment.

It is a great opening, with significant relevance to her speech on communication. The audience sits up to take notice. Her theme – the importance of listening and the inherent difficulties – are the points she makes throughout the speech. Listening really is the hardest part in communication.

Our minds wander – When someone is talking, at some point we begin to think about our response – what we want to say. Because this is a natural organic aspect of communication, it is easy to miss out on the thoughts the other person is expressing. We want to enter the conversation with our own ideas. We want to be heard. Although we have not begun to speak, our minds are already way down the path. After a minute or two we have carved out several sentences and are ready to interject our opinions. We think . . . “If only the speaker would just stop talking, I could get started in sharing all the wisdom I have to offer.” And, we do have a lot of wisdom. Thus, I think, I will meet with her later and proffer my two cents worth on this important subject on communication. I am a professional speaker and love to talk.

Paying Attention – As she speaks about what to avoid doing, right in the middle of her point, I am doing exactly the opposite. “Pay attention!” This huge neon light flashes before me, but, alas . . . I do not see the signs and hurriedly begin to organize what I want to convey. I can’t wait to tell her all I know about the subject. (Where is the pause button when you need it?!) Too late. Only a stop button will work now.

The great passion I have for this subject actually becomes an obstacle to my ability to listen as I should. The irony is that we can teach the subjects of the knowledge we possess, yet fail to incorporate the lessons.

The art of listening – Being a good listener is the toughest part of communication. We should automatically absorb lessons in listening throughout every educational and social aspect of life. Until someone learns to listen, they can never excel in communication. I guess I need to take more classes! Listening can be the best part of communication.

Those special listeners – There have been several people in my life who have been great listeners. I love and respect all of them, some of whom are no longer with me. They offered a listening heart and ear when I needed it the most. I longed to be near them just to talk! Why? The simple, revolutionary answer is – they listened!

The gift of listening – When we listen, we are giving a special gift to the other person in the conversation. They are assured that they are being heard . . . that they have importance.

The incentives of being a good listener – Henceforth, I am going to work harder at being an attentive listener. And, there are rewards for engaging in this endeavor. Someone will adore the time spent with you . . . you will gain new wisdom and knowledge you earnestly want to share with the world . . . knowledge that will make you smarter and wiser. When it is your turn to speak, the other person may hear you in a new way because you have been a reliable listener. The best path in sharing your wisdom with the world is to become a good listener.

Distractions – The world around us is busy and noisy with abounding distractions – smart phones and myriad electronic devices interrupt us everywhere and in every moment. People now move with speed and volume.

Making a difference – I want to make a real difference within that special circle of people who surround me. I want my speech to be valuable . . . I want to leave a legacy. The wonderful thoughts I have in helping others are powerful, and I am impatient in waiting to share my fantastic agenda.

Stop!! Can you hear it?!

Can you feel it?!

Can you sense it?!

The world is changing. I am listening!