Popcorn Man

“Nothing is perfect. Life is messy. Relationships are complex.”  Hugh Mackay, author of The Good Life.  

“It was something about popcorn the gentleman was saying as I walked past him.  Uncertain as to all of the words just spoken, I turned back to greet him.  In a friendly, questioning tone, I asked, “Pardon me?”  We were in the Delta Air Lines Sky Club® lounge at the Atlanta Airport.  For frequent air travelers, this room is a welcome respite, especially if you have a long layover between flights.  This was not a layover for me, but rather an early arrival at the airport, after an almost four-hour car trip with my sister from Chapin, South Carolina.

He said, “I filled up the popcorn for you, sir.”  It seemed as if this was a request from me that he was honoring.  Not wanting to point out that I had not made the request, I quickly replied, “Thank you.”

As I sat there eating this specially prepared snack, my mind drifted back to the earlier encounter with the food service man. He was doing his job and trying to take care of his customer.  I guess I could have elongated our conversation and pointed out what appeared to me as mistaken identity, but, maybe not for him. Perhaps I just looked like someone who would enjoy his freshly prepared popcorn.  As I contemplated this conversation, I could not help thinking about the difficulties of communication in the real world.

We have numerous sophisticated electronic devices at our disposal, and yet we are still challenged in communication efforts. Often, we are not on the same page when it comes to understanding the content being spoken and heard. There seems to exist a ‘disconnect.’ Do you ever wish that someone would really understand you and what you are thinking and trying to say? Sometimes even casual communication seems to be a challenge.  Do you struggle with this like I do?

Experts who study this phenomenon say that the nonverbal element is the most important part of our communication. People understand each other more through gestures, eyes, and body movement. Words often are the lesser part of the equation.  Besides nonverbal cues, there is also tone, context and timing. So much goes into this process that some large companies spend enormous amounts of money to ensure that what they are saying, and wanting to communicate, is indeed heard, and that it has some alignment with major goals.

And, then there is the rest of the world in which the majority of us live.  What are we to do with all the endless conversations we encounter during a typical day? How can we process and make sense of the dialogue without an unlimited budget to help finance our understanding.  Ironically, big companies get this wrong, too — don’t they?  As an adult participating in the real world, you already know the answer to this question. Communication is often messy. Big companies are not immune to the challenges.

For most of my life, I have accepted the fact that communication is all about an understanding between two or more people.  I still consider this to be true. But, the longer I live, the more I have come to believe that the real purpose of communication is much more than just an understanding.  At its deepest level, communication serves to elevate our relationships.  And relationships are all about love.  And yes, love can and should exist in your business world. (Not like the aspect of love depicted in romance novels and movies).  But love in the long-ago, traditional sense.

Love is patient, kind and caring. It never fails. It believes and hopes all things. It rejoices in the truth and endures all things. When it comes to communication, you will not go wrong if you just add love. And yes, love can be added to the business world. It must be added!  You will spend a lot of time trying to understand other people.  And it will be very difficult.   But also try . . . love.

Ok. I will admit it – here in public. In front of everyone.  I love the team associates at Hackbarth Delivery Service. I love our customers. I try to approach the business part of my world with love.  Some people may think this caring posture is less than businesslike, but it is very much good business – just not business as usual.

When you approach communication with love, the element of understanding becomes a lot easier and occurs much faster.  It happens without the assistance of any sophisticated or expensive telecommunications system. It occurs right out of the box.

Think about the countless times when, with an attitude of patience and in the spirit of kindness, you have approached a conversation with another person. Did it help that person to say what they wanted to say?  Were they clearer?  Were they more authentic?  Did they get to the point?  We can say ‘yes’ because all of us have had these kinds of wonderful conversations at some point in our lives.

When you have approached a conversation, with belief and hope in the other person, did you begin to hear them for the first time in your life?  When you have approached another individual with a determination to endure and a commitment to the truth, did understanding happen? Yes. It was automatic. Like icing on the cake.  When I know that there is love on the other end, I will communicate with that person in a way that I might never do in a different situation.  When my words are received with love, I am able to be an expert in the talking and expressive elements of interchange.  I will get everything right. My words, my tone, my nonverbal expressions – all of it will be invested into this particular relationship.  Is it scary? Yes, I am afraid that it is a reality. But, because love is assuredly on the other end, I am more willing to take a chance.

Let’s not get rid of all of the effort that, as individuals and companies, we make to affect understanding. It is necessary.  My suggestion is to add one powerful ingredient – add love.  You can take communication from a basic level of understanding and elevate it to relationship-building, which is the source of all success in life. And success is simply being and becoming the best at what we are meant to be and do in life.

What may have mattered most in the ‘popcorn conversation’ was more than the words exchanged. Here was someone offering quality service in both what he did and what he said.  I was making sure that he knew I appreciated his efforts.  In the end, I did get some popcorn, but more importantly, I listened to the ‘popcorn man.’  And, he did his job in a way that would make Delta Air Lines proud.

Who is your ‘popcorn man’ today?  How will you approach him in your conversation? Today, I am going to take my communication to a whole new level . . . I will be patient.  I will be kind. I will hope and believe in the other person. I will treasure the truth. As I talk and listen today, I am going to add . . . LOVE.